Un-Done Things

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Un-Done Things

Seeking Comfort in Closure

The un-done things of life include two distinct categories: Things never started and yet to be done, and things started that can’t seem to get done. If you ponder this for a second, you’ll understand what I mean. The first one includes everything on our bucket list: the places to visit, the sights to see, the people to meet, the concerts to attend, and the ever-present improved health through exercise. These are on our list of intentions, resolutions and honey do’s. These all have a good chance of happening and some will join the second list.

The second list of un-done things in life includes all of those projects we started that never got completed – they’re just not done, over, ended, terminated, transformed or finished. It includes the promises we made and failed to deliver on. It includes the relationships that are left unresolved, and it includes any memory that continues to surface that generates a “woulda, coulda shoulda” response. This second list desperately seeks closure, especially when it’s a memory that needs to rest.

Closure is defined as the act of closing, bringing to an end, conclusion. Closure can signify celebration. When we have achieved and have completed the task and arrived at our intended destination, that’s closure. When the whole story is finally told and a dark memory is allowed to subside, that’s closure. To be able to set aside the “what ifs” and accept “what is” is closure. Closure closes doors so others may be open. Closure is the friend of the open minded and its cousin completeness. Closure is required to learn and to grow.

Whatever our un-done list may look like, it is exclusively our list. We alone get to manage, modify, and manipulate what gets done and what doesn’t. When we feel the need for closure, it’s important that we act, because when we do reach closure, it can generate a calmness and peace – a sense of completeness like nothing else. And from there, anything is possible.

Szenippet: Feeling a need for closure is normal. Actually achieving closure is complicated. And life without closure can be chaotic. So, when that one unresolved thought pokes at our psyche, let it go and move on. We need the room to grow.

Many Happy Returns

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Many Happy Returns

 

Getting a gift from a person you didn’t expect to, or a gift big- ger than the one you thought was appropriate or getting a gift you didn’t need or want at all, can be stressful and make you feel a little uncomfortable. This time of year, this happens a lot. It happens to you and it happens to the person that you just gave a gift to.

 

Knowing how to receive is as important as how to give. The way you take it, embrace it and acknowledge it is as meaningful as any gift you could ever give in return. The art of receiving is a gift unto itself. And in many cases, accepting a gift the right way is the very gift you give back to the giver.

Children don’t know the right or wrong way to accept a pres- ent, they simply react to it. Remember the innocence and won- der you felt as a child and how you loved the fact that you got everything that you told Santa you wanted. Or conversely how you’d scrunch your nose at the new clothes you always got from Grandma. Remember too, giving your hand-made “do-dad” to your Mom and how she beamed with delight and how you swelled with pride.

This Christmas think about how to receive as well as give. Be gracious. Be honest. Be happy. The look on your face, the twin- kle and spark from your eyes will say it all. People know when you don’t like what you got. They can tell by the shift in your aura. By the twitch in your smile. By the lack of eye contact.

Open up. Let people give. Let them be happy with what they wanted you to have. Let them feel that you care and appreci- ate the effort. Remember there is no gift that you will ever ever receive that has not been considered and thought about and maybe agonized about before its presentation. And for each of us that receive that extra special and thoughtful gift there is a gift giver that swells with pride with your reaction. Their gift is truly in the giving and that’s what makes them happy. So take it, don’t spoil their fun, and know that you are giving them the best gift of all, your gratitude.

Merry Christmas. May every gift you give be the right one.

Unforgotten Love

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Unforgotten Love

A Perpetual Blessing

Young love and new love tend to steal all of the headlines. There is something exhilarating about finding a spark amidst darkness, and once sparked, flames ignite until they roar, burning their mark into the hearts of the new lovers. The nice thing about love, is that this feeling of connection can happen anytime with anyone, and sometimes with the same person over and over again.

I believe that once love happens it should continue to happen. I honestly can say that once I love someone, they are pretty much stuck with me, even if time has moved us both along to another path, or if we live in different countries and time zones, the connection remains, and it only takes a second on a phone call or a text, or even a casual thought to feel its warmth again. Keeping in touch with those that have touched you may not be an everyday thing, but when holidays come around it’s always fun to reminisce. Author Arthur Brooks has research that shows the “secret to happiness isn’t falling in love; it’s staying in love.” That sounds about right and if it’s true, then I’m doing great.

That said, staying in love doesn’t mean that the love stays the same. Love has to change and morph, it’s its nature to rise and fall, and run then crawl and then from out of nowhere pick up speed again. Whatever form it is today with those folks in your life that somewhere along the way got your heart’s full attention, it’s still there. It may not spark flames of joy like it used to, but it can certainly warm up a memory and maybe rekindle and fortify the friendship that formed because of it. Yep, love has that kind of power, and for me, it always will.

Szenippet: When love joins our journey, it tends to let us take the lead, and then after a while it begins to lead us. When that happens our entire world changes, and love’s power never leaves us again.

A Playbook for Change

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A Playbook for Change   

Moving Toward a Path to Happiness

Albert Einstein tells us: “We can’t solve today’s problems at the same level of thinking as when we created them.” Hence, if we change our thinking we can solve our problems. But what if we didn’t create the problem to begin with? What if sinister cosmic forces thrust the problem on us and that’s what is making us unhappy?  What then? What can we do to keep on our path to finding and holding on to happiness? Well the first thing to do is to understand that solving problems or issues or circumstances are just a part of life. If we put our life’s journey toward happiness on hold to solve problems we’ll never get there.

In the book by Matthew Kelly entitled Perfectly Yourself, here’s what he says on the subject: “Unhappiness is the fruit of doing and saying things that contradict who we are and what we are here for. Unhappiness is not something that happens to us as if we’re poor little victims. Unhappiness is something we do to ourselves. You can choose to be happy – and never forget God wants you to be happy even more than you do yourself.” I suppose the next question we should ask is, even if we choose to be happy, what do we have to do to get to be happy? The answer of course, is it’s different for everybody.

It’s a combination of mindset, and faith that will propel us into the happiness zone. When we turn toward our own unique goals, the world will turn with us. It’s true that if we believe in where we are heading, the destination will move toward us too. Events, luck, serendipity will arrive on our journey to ensure we get to where we want to go. And consequently we get happy because happiness is the by-product of the journey, not the goal. The goal is to be the best version of ourselves and that’s what gives us confidence to continue to strive to improve. Eventually we get enthusiastic about our life and the outcomes we seek. Enthusiasm is confidence on steroids and as Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “Nothing great was ever accomplished without enthusiasm.” I agree.

Szenippet: Whatever we seek becomes easier to achieve when we continue to become better versions of ourselves. The more we grow, the more we know, and with knowledge comes the power to harness change on our behalf.

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Delaing with a Funk

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Dealing With a Funk

Escaping its hold and influence

I’m going to jump to an assumption here that all of us have experienced the reality of being in a “funk.” A funk is feeling low and out of sorts. It can sometimes last for days and getting through it or out of it can be difficult. That’s because funks can be caused by almost anything that happens to us, stuff that hasn’t happened to us that we wished had happened to us, and stuff that we’re afraid might happen to us. In other words almost anything can cause a gray dark cloud to surround us and get in the way of our being our normal cheerful self. Here are a few suggestions for escaping its grasp.

– Don’t feed it. Funks thrive on brain cells that succumb to notions of gloom and doom. Funks love to build up strength by bringing us down. It’s just a game with them and they’re good at it.

– Don’t blame anyone. Another funk trick is to have us believe that feeling so somber and sad is somebody else’s fault. “They did this to me.” “They will pay, just wait.” Then of course we get hung up on this whole revenge thing, which is usually pointless, untrue and depressing – the perfect breeding ground for funks.

– Talk to it. Funks don’t like to hear logic and good will or anything that might break its hold on us. Humor is an especially potent weapon, so by all means tell your funk some jokes and laugh in its face. You’ll be surprised and how fast the funk will fade.

– Own it. The last best thing to do about a funk that creeps into our life is to recognize it for what it is. It’s born from our own thoughts about events or people or situations and in a weak moment we inadvertently give it life and power; when we really are the ones with the power. By using our minds to shift into a positive state we squeeze the funk out of the available space in or mind.

Sharing can help too. Getting the funk out doesn’t have to be done alone. Find a friend. Share a laugh and move on funk free.

Did You Hear That?

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 Did You Hear That?

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story: *

John could not decide. He ran the numbers and weighed all of his options. Both offers were good, though one would force him to move his family. He looked around the house, the pictures of the kids, the marks on the wall measuring their growth, he took it all in and pondered what change would look like. Then he listened.

 And more…

 Throughout history the single driving force for all things to happen is the simple axiom that change is constant. We don’t live in the same way our ancestors did, nor do we think the same way. This is now and that was then. There is also another constant: That is our own internal barometer on what’s what. We have the software inside to imagine, reflect, and decide. We can determine the right and best path to follow.

In our story, John was reflecting on the “what if’s.” We’ve all been there and have had to make decisions that presented hope and growth but also fear of the unknown. How did we decide what’s best? We felt it. Our own internal, soul enriched and ever-ready visceral “gut” feeling is always there to help us. What it says is always the truth. And yet we sometimes miss the signal or ignore the voice. For this to work for us we have to nurture it and not bury it. Our intuition is a valid tool and all we have to do to get the most out of it, is to listen. Did you hear that?

Szenippet: We are wired for greatness. We have the gift of intuition – the internal software to guide us – and we can generate the will power to change our lives right now.

*Always 60 words. No more. No less.

Keeping the Dream Alive

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 Keeping the Dream Alive

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story: *

“Should I jump?” Diane asked nobody in particular. The crowd outside was getting larger and their voices could be heard inside the walls of her home; a home she had lived in forever. Standing at the window she saw the people and heard their cheers, while friends and family inside remained quiet. She opened the door and embraced her future.

 And more…

 How many opportunities cross our path that we miss because we’re home inside and safe? What are the chances that we’ve missed a calling or misunderstood our purpose because we’ve been head down and busy doing what we think we’re supposed to be doing – locked inside a “home” that’s safe, but maybe not big enough for our dream.

It’s amazing how fast time flies and so many of our ideas on how our life should really be, have been lost and left behind. The good news is that those dreams are still alive. They don’t die until we say so. Here are a couple of ideas on how to keep the dream alive:

– In every step forward to something new we have to let go of something now. And usually, it’s not a dramatic departure from what is; it usually is a mindset, a simple reframing of what’s possible.

– In the what’s possible world lives the wholeness of every dream ever dreamt. In this world we are forever young and optimistic about everything. In this world we can fly.

– If we believe in ourselves and our desires can fly, they will lift us to new heights where soaring is common, and the view is clear.

Give dreams another chance to fly. All it takes is faith and an understanding that the world around us wants us to be who we want to be. When we lean into our true identity, we create a positive energy for ourselves and all of the people in our lives. That’s the power of following a dream.

*Always 60 words. No more, no less.

Szenippet: All dreams have an equal chance of coming to life. That includes the dream that’s been resting quietly inside you and now needs to fly.

 

Lifting Waits

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Lifting Waits

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story*:

The milestones were all spelled out. They were listed in a very specific order. Do one, then the next, and so on. You were not allowed to jump ahead or skip a step. Dawn was very proud of her plan. All she had to do now was simply follow the rules and her dream of a lifetime would be fulfilled.

And more…

I think it feels real safe and secure to have a plan. Knowing what has to happen next is comforting and takes all of the guesswork out of living. Follow the plan and live a happy life. It usually sounds something like this: graduate from school, get a good job, find a spouse, build a house, fill it with memories and enjoy. And we can go back and repeat any of the steps we like. The time it takes for all of this to happen however can be a lifetime and some of the dreams and goals that were listed at the end of the plan may never get a chance to happen.

One of the most common obstacles to doing anything outside the ordinary is “it’s not a good time.” And we can rattle off all of the elements that make it a bad time and soon forget about that “new” thing we wanted to do or try. And new things can be anything like travelling, moving, changing a relationship, a job or our hair color. It doesn’t matter what it is, what matters is that we’re waiting for just the right time. The truth is there is no right time; there is only just time. Time doesn’t wait for anything and we only have so much of it we can spend. If we find ourselves waiting for the right time we may simply run out of it.

Lift the “waits” and get into the game. Leapfrog those milestones. Wait lifting makes you stronger and it adds an air of adventure to whatever it is you’ve been waiting to do.

*Always 60 words. No more, no less.

Szenippet: “Time waits for no man,” so why should we wait for time? Our “to do” list should never be longer than our “done that” list.

 

Image is Destiny

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Image is Destiny

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story*:

Tom was vehemently arguing that we’re not just plopped here on this planet with our lives all scripted out before us as if we don’t have any choices or influence on our future. He cited the example of interviewing for a job. How we dress, speak, listen and generally act, creates our desired impression. It’s all about our projected image.

And more…

I think Tom is spot on with his perspective. We actually can control what people think of us, especially in the world of first impressions, which, as we know, are the most lasting. Over many years of branding, coaching, training and teaching I’ve witnessed the power of self-image and our brain’s ability to take us to whatever destination and outcome we can fathom. The caveat here is that staying focused on the goal can be difficult. Maintaining the necessary image and projection to get there, is not like simply waving a magic wand and “poof” whatever we desire appears – It’s not wishful thinking it’s more like brain manipulation.

Our brains are simultaneously complex and simple. It’s designed to keep our world within reach while working as efficiently as possible. The efficiency includes keeping the heart beating, blood flowing, lungs expanding and a zillion other things without us having to get involved personally with the process. All humans share this ability. We need only intervene when one of our internal systems fail us somehow. This leaves us the time to think about our quality of life, environment, relationships etc. and of course our future.

Our minds can construct any number of scenarios, and we can then train our brain to work with us to get there. It’s useful to think of the brain as an elaborate and sophisticated GPS. We plug in the desired destination and coordinates, and we move toward the goal. We tell the brain where to go and it goes. The rub is that we all tend to change our minds and get distracted and then the brain redirects the GPS to follow the new plan. It’s maddening, I know. When this happens, we need to redirect to the original destination and lock it in. Once we’re locked in, the brain can access the powers of the universe to either take us there or bring it to us. It’s the same thing, and if you have any experience with serendipity, you know what I mean. So where are we headed?

* Always 60 words. No more, no less.

Szenippet: On any given journey, we’re not expected to have every resource we need to get there. We can get what we need along the way and often through a combination of luck and mindset circumstances align just in time to that they appear almost magical.  And suddenly, we arrive.

 

 

Here to There

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Here to There

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story*:

In the movie The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy was all set to begin her journey to see the great wizard. All she had to do was follow the yellow brick road. For Carla, the road, to finding the answers she sought, wasn’t yellow, obvious or even visible. Unlike Dorothy, she didn’t know the way because she couldn’t see the destination.

And more…

There is an old familiar expression, what you see is what you get. For many like Carla in our story, she can’t get to the getting part because, either she can’t see the path to get there, or she doesn’t know or can’t decide where “there” is. No journey can truly begin until we know where we want to be.

That said, I used to think that getting what we want and where we want to be is as simple as identifying the goal and moving toward it. I believed that the process of leaning into the goal actually brings the goal closer because when we’re clear on what we want, the universe will conspire on our behalf and ultimately deliver it to us. I now believe that it’s not that simple. It also depends on where we start. Our starting point provides a necessary perspective and vantage point so that we can actually visualize the outcome and begin the trip. Dorothy simply believed that OZ was out there somewhere and would help her get to her real destination, home.

Sometimes we can’t move forward until we grasp fully where we truly are. And we will know we’re in the right spot to start when we see the signs pointing the way and, like Dorothy, we accept the current reality that we’re lost. Getting from here to there implies a straight-line path although it rarely is. Carla’s reality is common, we look for a path but what we really need is an internal vision for our future. That vision sets our GPS coordinates, and miraculously, or serendipitously if you prefer, our personal yellow brick road will appear leading us past our witches and wizards to where dreams come true.

“There’s no place like home.”

* Always 60 words. No more, no less.

Szenippet: We’ve always had the power to be and do what we want. We just have to accept our current reality and be willing to follow our hearts regardless of the price.