Behind the Scenes

/in /by

Behind the Scenes

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

Alice’s husband had become increasingly despondent since the merger. He had been let go after many years of loyal service. Alice was getting worried he may not find work and that income from her small store would not suffice. It preyed on her mind, but as she opened for business every day, it didn’t stop her big smile and hello.

And more…

Here are to all of the people like Alice that hide their fear or pain and manage to keep a smile facing forward. I think it is difficult to mask our feelings and yet many of us do. And why we do often is because we don’t want to burden others with our problems or maybe afraid of what others may think. The easy way to avoid a painful discussion is to project a positive attitude, smile and move on. And that process tends to work pretty well. That said, there could be a lot going on with many people in our lives and strangers too that we can’t see or know or fix, but it’s there and it hurts.

The folks that can hide their problems have found ways to suppress their feelings so that they don’t seep out through a conversation or simple eye contact. It doesn’t mean we can’t help if we knew. So how can we discern when there is more to the story than what is apparent? How do we see behind the scenes? And why, if at all, should we try?

To answer the “why should we try” question first, let’s assume for this discussion, we have a relationship of some kind and we care. If we do, then there are lots of ways to see beyond the obvious if we look carefully and listen.

Here are some ideas:

– Ask questions. A moment to hear how the weekend went or how they are feeling can net some insights.

– Let it go. If you think someone really needs help but is reluctant to share, it may be that you’re not the person they need, so don’t push it.

– Open up. The best way to get a good meaningful conversation going is to share something that is meaningful to us. By being vulnerable, we invite vulnerability.

Getting behind the scenes is getting deeper into relationship and that’s where miracles can happen, not just for those that need us, but for those we need.

Szenippet: We can’t know for sure what’s going on in another’s life, but there are often signs directed right at us. Be alert.

On Edge

/in /by

On Edge

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

“Cut!” shouted the director. “Listen Charles, you have to relax and not think about the whole scene, just this moment and your line. You know your line, right?” Charles nodded. “Then say it for us!” Charles looked around the room. People, equipment and so much tension in the air were making him nervous, then “Don’t touch that door!” he screamed.

And more…

Life can dish up some tension now and then. It can be a business situation, a family disagreement, a phone call with the IRS or simply being cut off on the freeway. Tension is our way of metabolizing the moment. We need tension to feel the event in order to be able to react. Tension, or call it emotional currency, is a bridge from routine to something else. It enables us to call upon our senses and wits to act. And whatever the act may be that we’re called on to do, it is propelled by the tension, pressure and sometimes the fear we feel in that split second when we know we must do something.

Tension works because it’s a way to get us poised for action. Being on the edge is typically something most of us would prefer to avoid, but the emotions inherent in tension can get us revved and ready for whatever happens next. Without it, the greatness of so many decisions in our lives would be forgotten. The tension of the situation is what makes for great stories – time running out and he shoots and scores, she bends over to grab his hand and accepts his proposal, the phone rings and we got the job. You name it and I bet the best stories of our lives included some angst, fear and doubt, the siblings of tension and what makes living on the edge worth it.

I think without some emotion, be it fear or doubt or love or whatever in our routine we avoid the edge and thus miss out on some of the fun of life. If we push ourselves and open the door to possibilities, even a little every day, we live more. We make better stories – Stories worth telling.

Szenippet: A shift from a “how are you doing?” to a “how are you feeling?” orientation reveals a deeper dimension of connectedness: Feelings uncovered always change the conversation.

Special:
If you want to hear a sample from my book, Szen Zone, come check out the podcast Optimal Living Daily! Justin, a former student of UCI where I teach, is doing something pretty neat. He reads blog posts and excerpts from his favorite books on the show and featured mine in Episode 337. You can listen to it here: http://OLDPodcast.com/337 or find it in your favorite podcast app.

Lingering Moments of Beauty

/in /by

Lingering Moments of Beauty

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

They were running late and Alex was still putting on make-up in the car. Ben was trying to will the car in front of them to move over. The air was tense and neither felt like talking. Panic was setting in. And then, they were there and she bolted, then stopped and caught his eye and smiled. So did he.

And more…

Life can go pretty fast sometimes and we can become so intent on keeping up with it that we often miss the whole point of why we’re here. Do we know why? I mean really know what the point of life is? I don’t know about you, but I did not come here with an instruction manual. In that regard we are all ex-babies – born, then slapped and helpless and open to the possibilities. There is no map, path, or clear destination. And sometimes, we live for quite a while before we figure out that we’re still not sure of where we’re going or what it all means.

It might not be the secret to life, but I think we can find pretty good clues as to what life means for us by contemplating all of the moments that got us to here: Moments of joy and smiles and pain too that somehow mattered and are remembered, and for whatever reason seem to define us. And each of those defining moments started just this way. Like reading this sentence and maybe asking ourselves how in the world did all of this, all of our life, unfold.

The answer is: we did it. We orchestrated life. We flowed with its currents and we set plans and dreams and events into motion because we could. And we had help from other players in this same universe that by acting their way, helped us somehow. It’s pretty cool how those gazillion thoughts we’ve had have brought us to here – To one of many moments of beauty like Alex as she composed herself enough to turn and smile and then wait for the smile from Ben. Some moments are charged with significance. They are bookmarks in our life and it feels good sometimes to go back and re-read the good parts.

Here’s hoping that your story has filled you with love and joy and that the next chapter is more of the same.

Szenippet: A smile, glance, soft touch or any of a zillion memories can make us feel alive. One moment is all we need to feel that life is surging through us. May the moment linger.