Archive for category: Positive Change

by: Gary Szenderski

From the Book of Szen

Trick Ending

Years ago, before marriage and children, I had the opportunity to plan my own vacations. For me, going someplace nice was typically the most expensive thing I would do during the year. And so, as my income grew I tended to go farther and farther from home, and until I moved to California my starting point was Toledo Ohio.

One thing about vacations is that it assumes one is making money at a job and has to come back to work in a specified amount of time. During the years when I was only working part time, going to school, vacation trips I could afford tended to be close and reachable by car. And in that part of the country there were lots of options depending on the time of year. Winter vacations were most often in Vermont, Blue Mountain in Canada or upstate New York for the ski season. Summertime respites included trips to Montreal or Toronto, Chicago, New York, and Washington D.C.  I later discovered the beauty of flying stand-by. Toledo to Chicago was $13 and New York was $21 one way.

My first real expensive get-a-way experience was to the island of Martinique. It’s located in the French West Indies less than 100 miles off the coast of Venezuela. A friend of mine suggested the trip because there was a Club Med located on the island. He sold me on the benefits of the Club Med – one price for everything – concept, the warm climate and of course the women. So, in the middle of a dark and gloomy Ohio December we flew Air France from New York to a French island and gathering spot for those getting away from the cold Northern United States. The vacation, or should I say party, started on the plane.  Once there, the party continued but with demonstrably less clothing. A bathing suit was all you needed.

There were lots of activities to enjoy and after perusing the list of options, I opted for water skiing because I had never done it before and figured that it would be a nice opening line when I got back – Hey, I just got back from a ski trip.

I guess a lot of other people had the same idea. When I got to the docks, there was a line of water-skiing enthusiasts waiting for one of the three speed boats that would whisk us onto the surface of the Caribbean Sea. The instructors were French speaking but one could easily follow the grunts and hand signals. As I watched people get up and go, I noticed a lot of posturing. The guys were showing off, and the women were pretending not to notice. As each boat returned, I observed that the skier would simply let go of the rope and slowly sink into the warm buoyant water. 

My attempt at being cool lasted only a quick second after I jumped into the water. I floundered trying to get my skis up and straight while holding the rope. The instructor kept on signaling for me to lean back farther and get more of my weight to my backside so I would not just flip forward and be dragged headfirst out to sea. I finally got it and got up the first time.

It felt great but after the third crash and burn my arms felt like they had been pulled out of their sockets and then imperfectly screwed back in like a jar whose lid isn’t quite straight and tight. As we made our approach to the dock, I made a valiant attempt to at least look like I knew what I was doing and tried to calculate my landing to emulate the softly sinking style I’d seen earlier. At the perfect moment right in front of everyone I let go.

Imagine a cartwheel on water. Three complete revolutions abruptly stopped by the dock itself. As I sunk beneath the dock, embarrassed and groggy I felt a funny stinging sensation. A jellyfish had attached itself to my leg. They carried me from the dock to the Doc.

That night at dinner I enjoyed my newfound notoriety. Word had spread about the guy that had crashed into the dock and caught a jellyfish with his leg while submerged with one ski on. Most people were sympathetic except for the driver of the boat that wanted to know what happened to the other ski.

Gary

From the Book of Szen

by: Gary Szenderski

Our Lens

A World in Focus

The lens that we see our world unfold through has a great many settings. From close-up, i.e. being in the weeds, to long shot, the big picture as in “bird’s eye view. Depending on what we want to see, we make the appropriate changes in our personal lens to enhance our perspective on whatever the current subject is. For example, a general will position themselves high above the battlefield so as to see the whole of the engagement, to better direct the troops where they are needed and to also see the enemy’s position and its strategy. The actual battle however can often only be won in the trenches where a high degree of close-in focus is required.

I think these are pretty good metaphors for living life, as life can sometimes be a battle. For many of us we tend to gravitate to one view over the other as our personal default because we find comfort in a particular point of view. We all have experienced encounters with people that prefer to be “in the weeds” where micromanaging and myopia reign and also others that like the view from the clouds where life isn’t quite as messy. And of course, there are many who can slide between the two effortlessly choosing the right frame of reference for the task at hand. It’s all very subjective and is the foundation for what we choose to believe.

I share all of this because I’ve been practicing both ways of thinking to better understand how to craft a new mantra for the next chapter of my life and have been searching for an anthem that can encapsulate my own personal vision. My source for this exercise includes personal observation, reading and my favorite – music. In a Zen-like way which emphasizes enlightenment by means of meditation and direct intuitive insights I’ve gravitated to a brief melodic stanza from my long-time favorite, Dan Fogelberg in a song called Nether Lands. It goes like this:

High on this mountain, the clouds down below, I’m feeling so strong and alive. From this rocky perch, I’ll continue to search for the wind and the snow and the sky. I want a lover, I want some friends, and I want to live in the sun, and I want to do all the things that I never have done.

Find a story, or a song or a person that helps you find and connect to your inner voice, the voice that believes that anything is possible, the voice that believes in you and always has.

The Final Thought: When we believe that something is real, it is. When we believe that something is true, it is. When we believe we can accomplish miracles, we will.

Self-Talk

A Sixty-Word Short Story: *

Wendy had read all of the books on positive thinking and was excited to test out what she learned. She shared her new internal mantra with friends and wrote positive thoughts of affirmation which she posted around the house reminding her that good fortune was within reach. Wendy was excited for what would happen next and waited. But nothing happened.

And more…

If we were told by someone that we trusted – and knew that they were serious- and that they were going to send us on an all expenses paid vacation of our dreams, we’d be very excited, wouldn’t we? We would get happy in anticipation and physiologically respond ahead of the actual experience. We might even get giddy as we plan on what to wear and how many pounds to lose before the trip. This happens because our internal self begins to reflect what we truly believe and accept as true and we react accordingly to those truth-centered feelings ahead of the actual event because we know it really is going to happen.

Writing about the quantum field, Dr. Joe Dispenza says in his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself that this is how positive synaptic connections are made in each of us when we believe something to be true. Like a placebo works, he posits that we can train ourselves to act, think and feel even if there is no physical evidence. There are many documented examples of the placebo effect, meaning that we begin to act as if the pill we take is bringing about the desired outcome because we’ve convinced ourselves that the placebo is working. We act and feel as if it is, because it’s real to us. He calls it tapping into our quantum mind, and it has enormous power to bring us whatever we desire. There is only one thing that can stop us: us.

Self-talk is magical when it’s positive and we believe. It’s also disruptive and dream killing when we have doubts, or are anxious, worry too much or overanalyze. Our inner voice influences and is influenced by our actions. Nothing happened for Wendy in our story because she failed to act as if what she believed would/could really happen. Action, directed by our inner vision, sets the quantum field in motion which draws our goals to us like a magnet. Acting as if our dream has already happened creates an internal sense of gratitude which becomes the instigator of serendipity and the catalyst for opening the door to good fortune. Personally, every day I wake up and believe something good is about to happen and spend the rest of the day looking for it. I’m rarely disappointed.

The Final Thought: Practicing awareness as opposed to analysis sets us in the now moment of space and time. Being in the moment is how we can access the quantum field and share our dreams. It’s how the universe conspires to change our world for us and bring true magic to our lives.

* The Premise (Opening short story): Always 60 words. No more. No Less. For more stories like this and information about my books, please visit www.szenzone.com

The Power of Intention

A Sixty-Word Short Story: *

Donna was a student of the metaphysical and obsessed with the notion of truth. Was truth an absolute or was it merely a reflection of a belief? She understood the logic of “we are what we believe” but also knew that the laws of nature were immutable. Her intention now was to reconcile the two and create a new Donna.

And more…

Like Donna, we all stand at the precipice of a new year. A time of reconciliation, reevaluation, recalibration and resolve and once again the season for creating positive change in our lives, and in ourselves, is upon us. The new year becomes a catalyst where hope springs eternal and our thoughts and desires turn into self-prescribed resolutions, all designed to make us better, smarter, stronger, thinner and just a happier version of who we are today. All we have to do is simply identify what we need to change about ourselves and create the conscious mindset to do it – easy peasy.

All change is brought about by two qualities inherent in consciousness: attention and intention. Attention energizes and intention transforms. This means that whatever we focus on we can make stronger and when we take away our attention from something, that something will retreat and disappear. Intention sets the goal and directs us on what and where to place our attention. In other words, if we intend to change some aspect of our life, we have to give it the necessary time and attention it deserves.

The path to a successful resolution requires we’re clear on what we want to change (intention) and we’re committed to the outcome. For some changes like losing weight, we can clarify our goal as losing five pounds in a month. For other changes like manifesting love or abundance in our lives it’s a bit more complicated yet elegantly simple.

Remember that the entire universe and all of us are essentially made up of energy and information and in quantum mechanical theory this means that we can orchestrate change by accessing the quantum field. This is where infinite possibilities reside, and where we can manipulate energy and information through our conscious intent. In other words, once we lock into our intention, we can let the universe handle the details. Concentrate on the desire and not how it is supposed to happen, just trust that it will. This is the power of intention and we all have it. And like Donna from our story, we only need to apply it.

The Final Thought: It stands to reason that if we are made in the image and likeness of our creator, we have the same power to create for ourselves. To manifest dreams, we only have to focus on the dream and let serendipity and the universe work its magic.

* The Premise (Opening short story): Always 60 words. No more. No Less. For more stories like this and information about my books, please visit www.szenzone.com

Connecting the Dots

A note from Gary…Thanks for the response from last week’s edition on Self-Awareness. It reminded me of an excerpt from a while ago. Here it is again with some updates…

I’ve recently picked up the pace a bit on a book I’ve been working on. The working title is PowerShift – How to take your brand to the next level.  By brand I mean both businesses and individuals because the principles apply to both. Essentially it contains the elements of the tools I’ve used for years helping my clients navigate change. In book form though, it’s a bit daunting because it requires a more definitive and factual context than the case studies, or actual client situations that I typically use. As a starting point we begin with the premise that one’s vision is the driver and must be supported. This requires buy-in from the team, be it the organization, or your family or spouse. To that end, I’ve been doing some analysis and research on the role of perspective and change in moving forward and I quickly found how critical perception and point of view is, not only to success but happiness as well. I’d like to share a few things I’ve discovered just recently. And when I say discovered, I mean hit me between the eyes.

The sources are many and are listed throughout. I’ll start with a test designed to get to know oneself better- The Myers- Briggs personality test. It provides a good starting point for what’s included here. You can take a free test here https://www.16personalities.com/ I’m an ENFJ FYI. The key insight here is knowing who we are is necessary before we begin any journey of enlightenment.

To keep this simple, I’ll be paraphrasing and quoting, and I’ll provide what I think are the key insights needed to help us grow our own brand and enrich our lives. They are listed in the order of discovery (which is still ongoing) not necessarily the value, but as my mentor and good friend Jerry Walters says, “Nothing is in Isolation.” Here goes:

From Manifesting Change by Mike Dooley: “Rarely are the first steps in a journey anything like the final ones, either in direction, pace or grace. So please believe me when I tell you that none of those things, are even half as important as the fact that there are steps at all.” If we have a vision and move toward it, it will also move toward us, but we have to move, not just dream.

Don’t make assumptions. In business we call it due diligence, but as individuals we often don’t take the time to get it right. This led me to question myself on what things I may have been misreading or assuming in my own life. This led me to the 5 Love Languages (there are free ways to take the test online). It ranks five qualities that are important in relationship. However that does not insure that what is important to us is perceived or received. And if we assume they need what we need and visa versa we miss opportunities to create happiness, yes create. From the How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky: “I prefer the phrase creation or construction of happiness to the more popular pursuit since research shows it’s in our power to fashion it for ourselves.”  The insight here is that the research is enormous and has been for years on the positive psychology front. Happiness has been proven to precede success, not the other way around. This means that our brand needs to emerge from an inner state of bliss and the way to get there is to better understand who we really are and what we want.

“Great minds have purpose, others have wishes.” Washington Irving. William Bridges wrote a best seller entitled Managing Transitions. He discusses how leaders need to understand change before they can enact it, and even with understanding what it will take to move forward. Time also becomes a primary component. There is an old saying: “It takes nine months to have a baby no matter how many people you put on the job”. The point here is to stay the course and keep the faith.

The role of personality and mindset has a great deal to do with taking our brand to the next level. Understanding ourselves and why we do what we do is the lynchpin for achieving next level status. A great 18-minute video from the author of Start with Why, Simon Sinek can be found on the Internet. I’ve used this in my classes, it’s a classic. https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action

Keeping to the topic of personality, understanding our own why within, Harvard Researcher and author Shawn Achor in his book The Happiness Advantage introduced me to the concept of “signature strengths.” By practicing, in essence, what makes us tick we can achieve higher levels of happiness, which influence our relationships and performance. Go to https://www.viacharacter.org/

The Pygmalion Effect is discussed in Shawn’ book as well. We’ve all heard of research where a child with average intelligence is told that they have exceptional gifts and talent and they end up excelling in school. But did you know it works another way? Researchers told teachers in various classrooms that certain students had been identified as academic superstars; the students were not told. They asked the teachers to not show any favoritism or mention this to the students and that they would be monitored to make sure they did not. Sure enough at the end of the year these same students posted off-the-chart intellectual ability. The students however were really quite ordinary and picked randomly. Turns out that the teachers’ belief in their potential had been non-verbally and unwittingly communicated to the students who absorbed it and translated it to reality.

People act as we expect them to act, be it children, co-workers or spouses. It’s a shining example of the self-fulfilling prophecy – “Science has shown that when we believe we can do more (or when others believe it for us), that is often the precise reason we do achieve more.”

There’s more to come on this subject of going to the next level, but for now remember the keys to positive change: Focus and move toward the vision, don’t assume, search for tools that can help in your pursuit (from market research to love’s languages), recruit fellow believers, create happiness now, stay positive, and enjoy a nice glass of wine every now and then.

Make haste! Your future awaits!

The Final Thought: How we perceive others changes them too. If we’re supportive they’ll feel enabled. If we doubt them, they’ll doubt themselves. One is a reflection of the other and therein lies the power of self-fulfilling prophecy.