On Edge

On Edge

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

“Cut!” shouted the director. “Listen Charles, you have to relax and not think about the whole scene, just this moment and your line. You know your line, right?” Charles nodded. “Then say it for us!” Charles looked around the room. People, equipment and so much tension in the air were making him nervous, then “Don’t touch that door!” he screamed.

And more…

Life can dish up some tension now and then. It can be a business situation, a family disagreement, a phone call with the IRS or simply being cut off on the freeway. Tension is our way of metabolizing the moment. We need tension to feel the event in order to be able to react. Tension, or call it emotional currency, is a bridge from routine to something else. It enables us to call upon our senses and wits to act. And whatever the act may be that we’re called on to do, it is propelled by the tension, pressure and sometimes the fear we feel in that split second when we know we must do something.

Tension works because it’s a way to get us poised for action. Being on the edge is typically something most of us would prefer to avoid, but the emotions inherent in tension can get us revved and ready for whatever happens next. Without it, the greatness of so many decisions in our lives would be forgotten. The tension of the situation is what makes for great stories – time running out and he shoots and scores, she bends over to grab his hand and accepts his proposal, the phone rings and we got the job. You name it and I bet the best stories of our lives included some angst, fear and doubt, the siblings of tension and what makes living on the edge worth it.

I think without some emotion, be it fear or doubt or love or whatever in our routine we avoid the edge and thus miss out on some of the fun of life. If we push ourselves and open the door to possibilities, even a little every day, we live more. We make better stories – Stories worth telling.

Szenippet: A shift from a “how are you doing?” to a “how are you feeling?” orientation reveals a deeper dimension of connectedness: Feelings uncovered always change the conversation.

Special:
If you want to hear a sample from my book, Szen Zone, come check out the podcast Optimal Living Daily! Justin, a former student of UCI where I teach, is doing something pretty neat. He reads blog posts and excerpts from his favorite books on the show and featured mine in Episode 337. You can listen to it here: http://OLDPodcast.com/337 or find it in your favorite podcast app.

Lingering Moments of Beauty

Lingering Moments of Beauty

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

They were running late and Alex was still putting on make-up in the car. Ben was trying to will the car in front of them to move over. The air was tense and neither felt like talking. Panic was setting in. And then, they were there and she bolted, then stopped and caught his eye and smiled. So did he.

And more…

Life can go pretty fast sometimes and we can become so intent on keeping up with it that we often miss the whole point of why we’re here. Do we know why? I mean really know what the point of life is? I don’t know about you, but I did not come here with an instruction manual. In that regard we are all ex-babies – born, then slapped and helpless and open to the possibilities. There is no map, path, or clear destination. And sometimes, we live for quite a while before we figure out that we’re still not sure of where we’re going or what it all means.

It might not be the secret to life, but I think we can find pretty good clues as to what life means for us by contemplating all of the moments that got us to here: Moments of joy and smiles and pain too that somehow mattered and are remembered, and for whatever reason seem to define us. And each of those defining moments started just this way. Like reading this sentence and maybe asking ourselves how in the world did all of this, all of our life, unfold.

The answer is: we did it. We orchestrated life. We flowed with its currents and we set plans and dreams and events into motion because we could. And we had help from other players in this same universe that by acting their way, helped us somehow. It’s pretty cool how those gazillion thoughts we’ve had have brought us to here – To one of many moments of beauty like Alex as she composed herself enough to turn and smile and then wait for the smile from Ben. Some moments are charged with significance. They are bookmarks in our life and it feels good sometimes to go back and re-read the good parts.

Here’s hoping that your story has filled you with love and joy and that the next chapter is more of the same.

Szenippet: A smile, glance, soft touch or any of a zillion memories can make us feel alive. One moment is all we need to feel that life is surging through us. May the moment linger.

Setting Expectations

 Setting Expectations

We’ve all heard and probably used the concept of setting low expectations and then over achieving. The mind game here is that if we know we can accomplish X, then by setting the bar to X –whatever, we give ourselves a cushion to succeed. This works great in all kinds of ways. We tell others and ourselves that this is what the expectation is. That expectation gets set in our minds and theirs and we all adjust the expected outcome accordingly. What often happens though is that we mistakenly believe, that now that the goal is less, it will be easier to achieve and so we don’t try as hard. And sometimes, even though we set out at the beginning with the intention to exceed the goal, we get busy or challenged in other ways and what was once going to be easy, is now burdensome. Net result is we often barely make the reduced expectation in spite of our abilities because, after all that’s what everyone expected.

Expectations determine the effort we will use when we set them ourselves. When someone else, like a partner or boss, sets them, it determines how hard we have to work to succeed. And what also comes into play when others set expectations for us is the question of: to what extent are they right. Set too high we feel energized because their perception is complimentary and set too low we may feel misunderstood or perhaps undervalued or underestimated.

The point is really only a reminder, that however or whomever sets the bar, it has a corresponding impact on the amount of our effort and the desired outcomes. If we can just manage this one aspect of our life we can set expectations that will make our life fulfilling and exciting. Because we tend to try to hit the mark, raising the mark or exceeding expectations changes our world and us. Expect great things and they will come. Expect less and we get that too.

Szenippet: Next time you make a wish, assume it has already been granted. That belief is how dreams come true and, of course, it’s up to you.

 

The Crossing

 The Crossing

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

There is a point in the river that is only a hundred meters from the falls. It’s fast and the water is churning violently. It even seems sinister, almost eager to pull you in and gobble you up. But time was running out and she needed to cross. She leapt in, suddenly gone – then re-emerged: stronger and wiser too.

And more…

Some of the decisions we make seem to be like crossing a chasm or rushing river. There is no easy way to get from where we are to where we want to be. Maybe there is, but something is telling us we don’t have the time to wait. We have to act, and act now. We have to take a leap of faith that it will work out. We have to believe in ourselves and take the chance.

We all have had to trust in our inner voice and belief that we could succeed against the odds and so we did. And maybe we did it a few times. We picked up and moved to a new city. We quit the job that once defined us. We told the truth when it really hurt. We moved a mountain to protect a friend, and we found a love that we’d die for. Every time we stayed true to ourselves, we were able to traverse the rapids and make it to the other side. In each case, we reach out for a better version of ourselves, and in that journey we discover what moves us and defines us. Every crossing brings wisdom.

Sometimes though, with time, we opt out of the crossing. We like it where we are, and those things that used to propel us have faded, and we wonder out loud if it’s really worth it to keep striving for something, someone or someplace new. It’s a legit concern and the answer is different for all of us. Whatever you may choose, I hope your crossing to the other side is exactly what you prayed it would be.

Szenippet: Leaps of faith for a noble cause are often rewarded. So the next time you’re unsure, you might take the leap and be surprised at what happens.

Turning the Corner

Turning the Corner

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

Phil was being filled with wild visions of success, opportunities and dreams for greatness and encouragement to take the bold next step and sign up for the course. “We guarantee you will succeed!” Phil was feeling caged a bit and yet desperate to change his life. The course, the program and the hype were calling to him. Ready or not…

And more…

Sometimes when we hit a fork in the road we can’t see far enough ahead to determine which is the best path. We deliberate and weigh the options and maybe talk with friends or family and we scrutinize our choices. It sure would be nice to know the future and see where a path might lead us, to see around the corner to the next intersection of where our life and dreams come together.

Sorry, not happening. There is no crystal ball or magic wand to illuminate the future. No absolute full proof decision making mechanism that we can use to project the results for tomorrow based on our actions today. All we can do is believe in ourselves, our dream and our instincts and move toward our goal and whatever happens will happen.

Sometimes like Phil, we don’t want to or can’t take responsibility for the choice. We think a third party can help us decide. Sometimes they help and sometimes not. The truth is that predicting the future is risky business. So many moving parts and people in our lives and outside influences that our choices and dreams get caught up in a vortex of everyone else’s dreams and choices. We end up fighting for space and time that we can own and control. Of course no one can own space or time. So now what?

Here’s what: Dream, choose and let it happen. When we doubt our vision, we negate the energy we need to achieve it. When we believe, we actually add more and more energy to the process. The more we believe, the closer we get, and in spite of the complications of charting a perfect arrival to our destiny, we always manage to get there – Exactly where we wanted; what we thought we would do, we end up doing.

Our belief in ourselves is the act of seeing the future and turning the corner to the life we seek.

Szenippet: When we turn the corner and change our thinking we find a new world of opportunity. Places where chance meet dreams and the only risk is not dreaming big enough.

The Call to Create

 The Call to Create

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

The first grader was handed a pencil and a piece of paper. Sally was instructed to grasp the pencil in her right hand and then told to press gently but firmly and to use cursive to write her name. And after some struggles she finished. It unfortunately resembled a Richter Scale. Sally switched hands and tried once more: Instant art.

And more…

We’ve all tried to accomplish something that seemed easy and clear enough in our head, but getting that vision to gel proved elusive? How many times did we try to create something that just didn’t want to come together? It’s always the same: We can’t find the word, or the color or the stroke or note that nets the masterpiece we see in our mind’s eye. So what do we do when the gem we seek to manifest is stuck somewhere inside us and can’t seem to find its way out? The answer is going to be different for each of us, and it might be as simple as what Sally discovered – Change something in the process.

Creating something new is always magic to me. And we all have our own magic wand to help us bring new ideas and beauty to life. I’ve observed the artist using pen and ink or watercolors or clay, and the writer with pencil and paper or keyboard and the guitarist sitting at the piano. All of them have the tools to let what’s inside them, out. And it’s just as true for the coach scribbling a play on the chalkboard. The delivery of our creative thinking has to have a way to be channeled into reality. It can be whatever helps us share what’s in us. It’s the sharing that brings our ideas to life.

And the easiest of all tools we might want to use when we feel creative and want to share, is our own sense of purpose. Knowing why we’re here, and our calling, creates the desire to make an impact and difference, which is at the core of creativity. It’s the driving force for all things new. It can turn a Richter Scale scribble into the word Sally, our ideas into reality and change our creative expressions into life changing moments.

Szenippet: We all are called upon to create. To envision what does not exist and let that vision find its way to life through us.

Stories of a Lifetime

 Stories of a Lifetime

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

After 50 attempts to start listening to the grind of “eeeeeeeea” it was decided to look under the hood. We tried again with all of us looking at the cold dark engine that refused to turn over and silently wishing we were still in bed, protected from the 15° temperature. Then Dad tried jiggling the wires, muttered something, and vrooooom.

And more…

Stories are our way of not just remembering an event, but adding life and emotion to the facts, so that others can see what we have witnessed and maybe “feel” what we felt. Stories let us embellish and dramatize the characters and situations so that it feels like it’s happening right now, again.

I love telling stories and I love writing and listening to them too. And when I’m with my siblings – all five of my brothers – we inevitably will start to tell stories about Dad. It doesn’t matter that we’ve heard them a million times before or that the storyteller’s contagious laughter turns the shortest event into a Hollywood screenplay; it’s always a joy.

When Dad was still with us, he’d laugh at the stories too and sometimes dispute the exaggeration with his version of what happened. It always made the story better as new facts would be added, turning each of those special moments in time into a lasting and joyful memory. I miss it. I miss him too.

May the story never die…

Szenippet: When we share a story with the person that’s the star of the story we give a gift – we acknowledge that they touched our lives.

Uncharted Waters

 Uncharted Waters

 

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

 

The night was absolutely pitch black. Not a star or any ambient light to be found. Paul fumbled in darkness until he guided the key into the lock and opened the door. He felt for the switch, but nothing happened – No light, no power. “What now?” he thought. Suddenly a scream, and his phone’s soft glow revealed the source.

 

And more…

 

Sometimes we find ourselves in a new place or situation we’re not familiar with. And yet we’re expected to proceed as if we know the lay of the land. Could be a new promotion or job or environment where we feel alone and like Paul we don’t have all of the illumination we need to navigate with confidence. Usually it’s because we’re dealing with new people and personalities and their fears are just like ours. When we’re in the dark about what to do, everything slows except our imagination. And in that world of doubt, the imagination can spin some pretty scary scenarios. So much so that we may fail to act at all and try to pretend that everything is okay. But non-action is an action and just like any other decision it sets things in motion and by opting out of the decision making process we’re left with “whatever happens, happens.”

 

Well we could get lucky and things could just work out fine but why chance it? Here are a couple of ideas on how to navigate uncharted waters:

 

– Just because it’s new to us, doesn’t mean it’s new to everyone. Find a guide, a mentor, a friend, someone that can shed some light on those “screams” we hear in the dark.

 

– If you can, stop, listen and then ask. Really listen to what others in your new environment are saying, watch what they are doing and ask questions. New people in new situations are simply that, they are “new” to you. Don’t assume anything about them or how they will react to you. Ask and you’ll be surprised at how far a little knowledge and some simple interaction can go to create a new relationship.

 

– Remember that you are new to them too. They might be having the same fears as you, especially if your new position is to join them. As a team player they will want to know that they can trust you. If your new position is to lead them, then trust is still at the core of any progress you might make.

 

– Last but not least, try to put yourself in their shoes. Empathy is a great tool and helps us appreciate what those around us are feeling. Or like our story above, it’s why they scream when they hear somebody new enter their life.

 

Szenippet: Move with caution in uncharted waters but move with faith. It’s our internal compass for navigating life.

 

The Art of Becoming

The Art of Becoming

Have you ever noticed that some things just happen while others take their sweet old time before they gestate completely? The speed of completion is often correlated to the speed of the decision to make it happen. Correction, not “often”, but rather always correlated to how fast we actually act on something. The sooner we decide, the sooner that decision can take shape.

What keeps us from living in a “snap of our fingers” and stuff just happens world is that we can’t snap until we feel sure. Thinking things through is exclusively a human trait. The rest of the species on the planet just “do” what seems natural. And as a reminder, when we all were children we had this very same innate quality built into our psyche. We just showed up for life and life just happened. The days were filled with discovery, wonder, joy and some occasional pain but none of these feelings ever lasted that long because the next thing to happen took its place. We would spend the days living every moment with vigor until we ran out gas and fell into one of those deep and replenishing sleeps that seems all too rare now as adults.

As adults it’s not that simple to just “be.” We have to be doing something or be going somewhere or be thinking about what the next thing to be will be. The whole process has become time consuming and fraught with way too many options than ever ever before. Decisions now take more time and have to yield positive return, hence we fret and analyze and kick the can down the road until we’re absolutely okay with making the right judgment call. While all of this is taking place, the world at large is charging ahead – and we all struggle to keep up if we can.

Becoming, the act of transformation, is a form of creation. We actually create or recreate ourselves as we choose and with total control of the outcome. The real art of becoming what we choose to become has less to do with our actual goal and everything to do with our belief that we can get there. Confidence, self-assuredness, faith, call it what you will, is what really moves those mountains, and can move obstacles from our path and rally the support of legions of followers and believers. Becoming is a gift that we get to use over and over again because we all are endowed with the ability to create; we were created in the image and likeness of the Creator; It’s in our DNA. Here are a couple of thoughts on tapping into our true potential:

1. Visualize your dream without the thought process of how to get there. Don’t worry about how, just concentrate about what you seek and the “hows” will take care of themselves.

2. Remember that you are worthy of whatever dream you create.

3. Sometimes you might want to put #2 ahead of #1.

Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help from others. Your asking may fuel and be part of what another wishes to become.

Szenippet: The way the world moves is a reflection on how we all move and think. Every thought from every person impacts what is and becomes part of the whole

The Need to Act

The Need to Act

Have you ever been in a situation or maybe prolonged “season” where things don’t seem to be moving in the right direction? Those times when we feel like we’re maybe going through the motions. We’re not really unhappy, but the bubble over joy we used to experience seems to be out of reach. We maybe even get to feel a bit trapped. We need to mix it up a bit, start something new, clean out the garage, go on trip, change careers, start a new business, write a book – you know the normal stuff. There is a gnawing urge to just act.

Here are a couple of ideas on how to navigate to a new sense of self and get ourselves moving in the right direction:

1. Identify what brought this feeling on. Was it triggered by an event, a fading dream, outside or family pressure to change your life? Did it come right at you or has it been percolating for a while? However it got to now, it took a path. Rewind and connect the dots. Knowing how and why we’re feeling an urge to change can help us make good decisions about what comes next.

2. Once you figure out the “why” then it’s time to think about “what next.” What would pacify that feeling? Whether it’s money, new house, or spouse or fame or pressure from another that’s causing your stress, there will be a corresponding solution. Take a moment to visualize that solution and how exactly it solves the problem.

3.Test your thinking. Sometimes we jump at a solution because it’s available and easy and this can create even more discomfort, or sometimes the solution has so many moving parts that we lose focus on what we’re trying to accomplish. So concentrate on the outcome of your plan and then try to disprove its merits. Challenge your thinking because if we don’t think it through, we could be sorry later.

4. Celebrate the decision. Get excited about your plan of action. Enthusiasm can be a significant driver to success. Just don’t start the parade until you complete number “3”.

5. Hit the reset button. Once we cross over to a new way of thinking we have to maintain that new reality. Be cautious about old habits sneaking in or doubts, about your course of action, getting in the way. It’s your way and if it’s feeling right, it’s right. Good luck and congratulations.

Here are some words of wisdom to help along the journey from Nelson Mandela: “I never lose, I either win or learn.” And finally:
“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

Szenippet: The day we decide that we are taking charge of our lives is the day when faith triumphs over doubt and our lives really get interesting.