Letting Go

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by: Gary Szenderski

Letting Go

A Sixty-Word Short Story: *

Carl wanted to start the year on a positive note. He dutifully listed his resolutions for the upcoming year. He took one last admiring look at what he was about to accomplish, then he stuck the new list on his bulletin board completely covering last year’s plan. New list, new life, he thought. But how could he make it happen?

And more…
In a poem by Robert Burns he writes: “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” This oft quoted phrase is a reminder that like Carl we all face obstacles to our well-conceived ideas. And the reason we sometimes fail is because we think that the only way for reaching our goals is to do it all by ourselves. Resolutions however, no matter how profound and thoughtful, often have a lot of moving parts and finding the energy, time and motivation to achieve them can be daunting. And so, even though we charge ahead with a positive mindset and determination, we often run out of gas before we reach the desired destination.

We often assume that making stuff happen in our lives is our responsibility which it is. And it begins with visualizing what we want to happen. And next we typically make an action plan to get there and then something happens or doesn’t happen like we need it to and we get frustrated and quit. That’s because when we focus on HOW it’s going to happen more than what it is we WANT to happen we get sucked up into the details and suddenly there are more obstacles blocking our path than we can manage. In other words when we become attached to having our dreams come true in a very specific way we inadvertently negate a gazillion other ways to accomplish what we want.

Attachment is limiting and based on what we think we can handle on our own. Detachment to the result however opens the door of opportunity because letting go creates uncertainty and that is how the universe works its magic. Uncertainty lets us step into the field of infinite possibilities. We don’t give up on our dreams; we stay focused on those, but by giving up on how they might be delivered we allow for serendipity and good fortune to intercede. It’s not my law; it’s the way we’re wired. Our true self and not the symbols of ourself has more power than we think and when we apply that power to the goal and not the process we create miracles.

The Final Thought: It stands to reason that if we are made in the image and likeness of our creator, we have the same power to create for ourselves. To manifest dreams, we only have to focus on the dream and let serendipity and the universe surprise us on how it happens.

* The Premise (Opening short story): Always 60 words. No more. No Less. For more stories like this and information about my books, please visit www.szenzone.com

The Power of Intention

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The Power of Intention

A Sixty-Word Short Story: *

Donna was a student of the metaphysical and obsessed with the notion of truth. Was truth an absolute or was it merely a reflection of a belief? She understood the logic of “we are what we believe” but also knew that the laws of nature were immutable. Her intention now was to reconcile the two and create a new Donna.

And more…

Like Donna, we all stand at the precipice of a new year. A time of reconciliation, reevaluation, recalibration and resolve and once again the season for creating positive change in our lives, and in ourselves, is upon us. The new year becomes a catalyst where hope springs eternal and our thoughts and desires turn into self-prescribed resolutions, all designed to make us better, smarter, stronger, thinner and just a happier version of who we are today. All we have to do is simply identify what we need to change about ourselves and create the conscious mindset to do it – easy peasy.

All change is brought about by two qualities inherent in consciousness: attention and intention. Attention energizes and intention transforms. This means that whatever we focus on we can make stronger and when we take away our attention from something, that something will retreat and disappear. Intention sets the goal and directs us on what and where to place our attention. In other words, if we intend to change some aspect of our life, we have to give it the necessary time and attention it deserves.

The path to a successful resolution requires we’re clear on what we want to change (intention) and we’re committed to the outcome. For some changes like losing weight, we can clarify our goal as losing five pounds in a month. For other changes like manifesting love or abundance in our lives it’s a bit more complicated yet elegantly simple.

Remember that the entire universe and all of us are essentially made up of energy and information and in quantum mechanical theory this means that we can orchestrate change by accessing the quantum field. This is where infinite possibilities reside, and where we can manipulate energy and information through our conscious intent. In other words, once we lock into our intention, we can let the universe handle the details. Concentrate on the desire and not how it is supposed to happen, just trust that it will. This is the power of intention and we all have it. And like Donna from our story, we only need to apply it.

The Final Thought: It stands to reason that if we are made in the image and likeness of our creator, we have the same power to create for ourselves. To manifest dreams, we only have to focus on the dream and let serendipity and the universe work its magic.

* The Premise (Opening short story): Always 60 words. No more. No Less. For more stories like this and information about my books, please visit www.szenzone.com

In Stall Mode

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In Stall Mode

How to leapfrog what’s holding us back.

A Sixty-Word Short Story: *

Larry saw the world in the most linear way. He planned and acted in a type of “dominos” mindset, meaning that every planned event had to line up, so like dominos they would tip and cascade perfectly into an elegant dream come true. But his plans never worked and his dreams had stalled. It seems some dominos were still missing.

And more…

Life is not linear by nature, it is more holistic and tends to let us have contact with multiple aspects of time and space and other pieces of the world simultaneously, meaning that we really are never untouched by the moves and motions of all of those around us. We are connected and we can create and cause events and outcomes to happen and just as surely events and outcomes will happen to us.

What about the non-events? You know those things that were supposed to happen, that we need to happen and if they don’t happen, nothing else can happen kinds of things.  Like Larry’s dominos, it’s the stuff that is required before we can make a move or a plan or any change in our life. It’s the “once I get my new raise, I’ll be able to buy that _____(fill in the blank).” It’s the “I can’t commit to that plan until he/she approves the budget.” It’s the wedding date never gets set until “we’re really financially ready.” Non-events are self-imposed obstacles masked as milestones, and they are as common to human nature as the cold.

Non-events stop events; that’s their power. When we think in linear terms like Larry, as in this will net this, which begets that which creates whatever etc.  we easily end up in a stall position because some link in the equation isn’t ready or able to happen just yet. And thus, we wait. In a stall mode we give up control and lose precious time and if we’re not vigilant, we’ll miss opportunities for something different or even better than what we originally wanted in the first place. Being stalled is the worst kind of ennui. It is the nothingness and nether world of dreams on hold.

Feeling stalled? Here are some ideas to get moving again:

– Examine the plan. Are all of the links in the chain really necessary? Is there a way to eliminate one step and can we get there another way? By questioning our path, we may begin to find a better way.

– Set the timer. Whatever we are waiting for should have a deadline. If we rethink the time we need, our impatience may help accelerate the process.

– Think like a dreamer. Rather than laying out a methodical approach, ask ourselves if we had a magic wand, what would we want to happen. Sometimes this is where a dream can truly be ignited because we shift our focus from the process to the goal.

Remember that the shortest distance to reaching our dream may not be a straight line. If we stay focused on the goal we may find that the dominos supplied by the universe line up just fine.

The Final Thought: The path to greatness has forks, alternatives and options. No direction will be as certain as the way our own internal compass will point.

* The Premise (Opening short story): Always 60 words. No more. No Less. For more stories like this and information about my books, please visit www.szenzone.com

 

Connecting the Dots

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Connecting the Dots

A note from Gary…Thanks for the response from last week’s edition on Self-Awareness. It reminded me of an excerpt from a while ago. Here it is again with some updates…

I’ve recently picked up the pace a bit on a book I’ve been working on. The working title is PowerShift – How to take your brand to the next level.  By brand I mean both businesses and individuals because the principles apply to both. Essentially it contains the elements of the tools I’ve used for years helping my clients navigate change. In book form though, it’s a bit daunting because it requires a more definitive and factual context than the case studies, or actual client situations that I typically use. As a starting point we begin with the premise that one’s vision is the driver and must be supported. This requires buy-in from the team, be it the organization, or your family or spouse. To that end, I’ve been doing some analysis and research on the role of perspective and change in moving forward and I quickly found how critical perception and point of view is, not only to success but happiness as well. I’d like to share a few things I’ve discovered just recently. And when I say discovered, I mean hit me between the eyes.

The sources are many and are listed throughout. I’ll start with a test designed to get to know oneself better- The Myers- Briggs personality test. It provides a good starting point for what’s included here. You can take a free test here https://www.16personalities.com/ I’m an ENFJ FYI. The key insight here is knowing who we are is necessary before we begin any journey of enlightenment.

To keep this simple, I’ll be paraphrasing and quoting, and I’ll provide what I think are the key insights needed to help us grow our own brand and enrich our lives. They are listed in the order of discovery (which is still ongoing) not necessarily the value, but as my mentor and good friend Jerry Walters says, “Nothing is in Isolation.” Here goes:

From Manifesting Change by Mike Dooley: “Rarely are the first steps in a journey anything like the final ones, either in direction, pace or grace. So please believe me when I tell you that none of those things, are even half as important as the fact that there are steps at all.” If we have a vision and move toward it, it will also move toward us, but we have to move, not just dream.

Don’t make assumptions. In business we call it due diligence, but as individuals we often don’t take the time to get it right. This led me to question myself on what things I may have been misreading or assuming in my own life. This led me to the 5 Love Languages (there are free ways to take the test online). It ranks five qualities that are important in relationship. However that does not insure that what is important to us is perceived or received. And if we assume they need what we need and visa versa we miss opportunities to create happiness, yes create. From the How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky: “I prefer the phrase creation or construction of happiness to the more popular pursuit since research shows it’s in our power to fashion it for ourselves.”  The insight here is that the research is enormous and has been for years on the positive psychology front. Happiness has been proven to precede success, not the other way around. This means that our brand needs to emerge from an inner state of bliss and the way to get there is to better understand who we really are and what we want.

“Great minds have purpose, others have wishes.” Washington Irving. William Bridges wrote a best seller entitled Managing Transitions. He discusses how leaders need to understand change before they can enact it, and even with understanding what it will take to move forward. Time also becomes a primary component. There is an old saying: “It takes nine months to have a baby no matter how many people you put on the job”. The point here is to stay the course and keep the faith.

The role of personality and mindset has a great deal to do with taking our brand to the next level. Understanding ourselves and why we do what we do is the lynchpin for achieving next level status. A great 18-minute video from the author of Start with Why, Simon Sinek can be found on the Internet. I’ve used this in my classes, it’s a classic. https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action

Keeping to the topic of personality, understanding our own why within, Harvard Researcher and author Shawn Achor in his book The Happiness Advantage introduced me to the concept of “signature strengths.” By practicing, in essence, what makes us tick we can achieve higher levels of happiness, which influence our relationships and performance. Go to https://www.viacharacter.org/

The Pygmalion Effect is discussed in Shawn’ book as well. We’ve all heard of research where a child with average intelligence is told that they have exceptional gifts and talent and they end up excelling in school. But did you know it works another way? Researchers told teachers in various classrooms that certain students had been identified as academic superstars; the students were not told. They asked the teachers to not show any favoritism or mention this to the students and that they would be monitored to make sure they did not. Sure enough at the end of the year these same students posted off-the-chart intellectual ability. The students however were really quite ordinary and picked randomly. Turns out that the teachers’ belief in their potential had been non-verbally and unwittingly communicated to the students who absorbed it and translated it to reality.

People act as we expect them to act, be it children, co-workers or spouses. It’s a shining example of the self-fulfilling prophecy – “Science has shown that when we believe we can do more (or when others believe it for us), that is often the precise reason we do achieve more.”

There’s more to come on this subject of going to the next level, but for now remember the keys to positive change: Focus and move toward the vision, don’t assume, search for tools that can help in your pursuit (from market research to love’s languages), recruit fellow believers, create happiness now, stay positive, and enjoy a nice glass of wine every now and then.

Make haste! Your future awaits!

The Final Thought: How we perceive others changes them too. If we’re supportive they’ll feel enabled. If we doubt them, they’ll doubt themselves. One is a reflection of the other and therein lies the power of self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

 

 

Self-Awareness Now

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 Self-Awareness Now

A Sixty-Word Short Story: *

Ben would ruminate about making a resolution for the new year. He began by feeling positive about self-improvement, but whatever he tried before, it failed. Over the years, learning a new language, losing weight, making more money, finding true love etc. never came to be for Ben. He hoped this year would be a different story and so it will.

And more…

The problem with making changes in our life is that we have to fight our own history. The habits we’ve formed are so ingrained, that our brain continues to follow the path of least resistance, even though our mind is trying to change course. That’s because the brain operates 24-7 in our sub-conscious where it’s repeating routines we’ve trained it to do without us even thinking about it. The real key to establishing a new path is to be totally conscious of what it is we seek and to begin a new learning process that helps us recalibrate the internal software that gives our brain its power. In other words, by staying “awake” or conscious about our goals we can create new stories and opportunities outside of what our brain is accustomed to and replace it with new instructions designed to help us reach our new destination.

When we are self-aware and conscious of who we really are we can tap into our own inner voice and change the conversation. Answering the question, I am a ____ (blank) is the first step. Filling in the blank with our new desire and stating it in the present tense makes it real and in the now. The is the fertile landscape for creating positive change. We can’t rewrite the past and the future has yet to be, so being in the now is the only place where we can exert our power over our brain and create new habits, routines, beliefs and whatever else we desire.

When Ben wished for the story to be different, he began the process of making change work for him. When we rewrite our script so that there is a happy ending, and begin acting as if it already has happened, we energize the forces of the universe where what we seek is within reach and moving toward us.

The Final Thought: Many forces come into play while we are trying to improve our state-of-mind and we must stay aware that only WE have the power to become what we choose. Choose wisely and begin living your dream.

* The Premise (Opening short story): Always 60 words. No more. No Less. For more stories like this and information about my books, please visit www.szenzone.com

 

 

Giving Thanks

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Giving Thanks

Life thru the Lens of Gratitude

A Sixty-Word Short Story: *

Monica had been dreaming of this promotion forever and was secretly imagining how to spend her newfound income. She imagined a new this, a new that, a trip here, a trip there, all with a new wardrobe for each and every tantalizing moment celebrating her arriving at the top of her game. Finally, her boss spoke. “Oh my”, she cried.

And more…

Tears of joy or not? This is the classic half-empty, half-full scenario depending on how we see the world. Some may finish Monica’s story, ecstatic with her good fortune while others may feel sad because they fear her dream was erased and she suffered great disappointment. If we take a moment to consider how we might write Monica’s story, we will uncover some insights into how we see our own world. Happy ending or not? Did she achieve her dream with tears of happiness or breakdown sobbing because she was denied her dream? The real answer is that we each get to choose the outcome we want. And that’s the beauty of being human.

Alright, spoiler alert, she got the promotion and an even bigger raise than she expected. Her dream was taking shape, and unfolding before her were countless possibilities for a life filled with joy, hope and gratitude. She had broken the code on creating a life of abundance. And because we are a privileged species, we have the same power to imagine our own scenarios of life just like Monica. What was her secret to unlocking a brighter future? Gratitude, the magical ingredient that can transform how we see life. When we get into the habit of giving thanks for what we have, we also learn how to be grateful for what is yet to come into our lives. It’s called preemptive thinking, and in a world governed by quantum mechanics (a branch of physics where myriad potential outcomes exist), we can literally orchestrate a destiny of our own future.

Looking thru a lens of gratitude, we can generate positive results and life-changing serendipity, and just like Monica we can harness our imagination to write our own story complete with a happy ending. It all begins by giving thanks. And on a personal note, the last couple of weeks I’ve had the good fortune of being with family and friends where the appreciation and love for each other is absolutely boundless – where gratitude reigns supreme. Thank you, all of you.

The Final Thought: When we live life with gratitude, we judge less, are more hopeful, we stay positive and we attract more of the same.

* The Premise (Opening short story): Always 60 words. No more. No Less. For more stories like this and information about my books, please visit www.szenzone.com

 

Over Thinking

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 Over Thinking

A Sixty-Word Short Story:

Jeff had checked off all of the right boxes, so it seemed for Sally, but she was still not sure about what her future with him might be like. She considered his age, health and overall disposition and point of view on life. They agreed on so many things, but still she ruminated on the “what ifs” and walked away.

And more…

All of us have faced a decision once in a while where we thought and thought and thought some more about our choices – sometimes to the point of so worrying about the outcome and possibly making a wrong decision about the future, that we ignored what was happening in the now, forgetting what we were originally attracted to. Like Sally in our story, we imagine a future fork in the road and therefore choose to get off of the path altogether. In essence we mentally manufacture a scenario based on imagination which may or may not be true or ever happen at all.

In these situations, it’s very human to rationalize that our mental makeshift story, like Sally’s, portends potential harm, or discomfort, so we walk away. But what if we get it wrong? What if we talk ourselves out of a good outcome because of some unfounded speculation that somewhere down the road this might be a bad decision? The answer is simple: nothing. Put another way, the things that we decided against are quickly forgotten and we move on. However, sometimes – rarely for some and common for others – we feel regret because we’ve thought ourselves out of an opportunity and only later do we feel its sting.

In life there will always be some regrets, which fall into two categories: One covers those experiences where we tried and failed and the other is where we didn’t try at all. The latter is the harder to live with because we literally don’t know what might have happened. At least if we tried and failed, we did something and can gain solace in the effort. Whereas not trying nets nothing. The point being is that we have the ability to over think, rationalize and worry ourselves right out of a good outcome. But consider this, like in our story with Sally, if the choice is not so absolutely clear and we have some doubts, we may be missing an opportunity of a lifetime; or not.

The Final Thought: Decision making is best when the choices are completely clear and inevitable. If not, perhaps we need to know more and taking a chance might be our best option.

* The Premise (Opening short story): Always 60 words. No more. No Less. For more stories like this and information about my books, please visit www.szenzone.com

 

The Call to Create

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 The Call to Create

A Sixty-Word Short Story:

The first grader was handed a pencil and a piece of paper. Sally was instructed to grasp the pencil in her right hand and then told to press gently but firmly and to use cursive to write her name. And after some struggles she finished. It unfortunately resembled a Richter Scale. Sally switched hands and tried once more: Instant art.

And more…

We’ve all tried to accomplish something that seemed easy and clear enough in our head, but getting that vision to gel proved elusive? How many times did we try to create something that just didn’t want to come together? It’s always the same: We can’t find the word, or the color or the stroke or note that nets the masterpiece we see in our mind’s eye. So what do we do when the gem we seek to manifest is stuck somewhere inside us and can’t seem to find its way out? The answer is going to be different for each of us, and it might be as simple as what Sally discovered – Change something in the process.

Creating something new is always magic to me. And we all have our own magic wand to help us bring new ideas and beauty to life. I’ve observed the artist using pen and ink or watercolors or clay, and the writer with pencil and paper or keyboard and the guitarist sitting at the piano. All of them have the tools to let what’s inside them, out. And it’s just as true for the coach scribbling a play on the chalkboard. The delivery of our creative thinking has to have a way to be channeled into reality. It can be whatever helps us share what’s in us. It’s the sharing that brings our ideas to life.

And the easiest of all tools we might want to use when we feel creative and want to share, is our own sense of purpose. Knowing why we’re here, and our calling, creates the desire to make an impact and difference, which is at the core of creativity. It’s the driving force for all things new. It can turn a Richter Scale scribble into the word Sally, our ideas into reality and change our creative expressions into life changing moments.

The Final Thought: We all are called upon to create. To envision what does not exist and let that vision find its way to life through us.

* The Premise (Opening short story): Always 60 words. No more. No Less. For more stories like this and information about my books, please visit www.szenzone.com

Destiny Awaits

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Destiny Awaits

Three Things to Know Before You Go

On the path to our own future, we have the options and chances to change direction, make a turn, change our course or modify the destination. Or we can just stop in our tracks and wait to see what happens next. I suggest we use our free will and nix the waiting game option. Waiting is only fun when we are anticipating something good is about to happen. Like the fox in the Little Prince who totally loved the idea of waiting for his friend and found great joy in the anticipation of seeing him versus not knowing. Ultimately, we can’t know everything and change, of course, is a primary constant of life, but with some foresight, conviction, and a dash of faith we can start to see that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Here are a couple of ideas that might help the journey along:

– Look forward. Destiny does not occur in the past tense and neither will the rest of our lives. Dwelling in the past diminishes our view of the future. The past might provide some hints or tools, but it’s still up to us to set the course from here.

– Dream the big dream. Setting off to our future is often the path to what we’ve already witnessed. When we craft our course based on what we believe we can actually accomplish it usually includes a lot of what’s already happened (see above). I’m not planning adverse but why limit ourselves before we even get started.

– Last and certainly not the least: Move toward the dream. Once we lock in we need to move. Take action as if your dream is imminent. If we immerse ourselves in the belief that our dream is actually happening, we create the energy we need, and we invite others to also believe. Recruiting others attracts like-minded believers and the collective energy generated can catapult us to our destiny in high fashion.

May your dreams and the path you choose bring to life that which you seek. And we all must seek until we find. Safe travels.

The Final Thought: When setting our destination be mindful that there may be more than one way to get there. So let those unforeseen ways emerge and rest assured they will provide the wind to our sails that we seek.

Szenzone – Stories of life and the power to change yours – is sent via email by request and is published weekly or thereabouts. For back issues or to receive this publication directly please email garys@szen.us  © Gary Szenderski 2025 All Rights Reserved. Gary is an author, branding specialist and teaches at the University of California in Irvine. He specializes in helping people and organizations navigate change – if you or your company needs assistance contact Gary directly.  Gary resides in Southern California and welcomes your comments.

 

 

Can You Hear Me Now?

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 Can You Hear Me Now?

Have you ever studied or tried the concept of mindfulness? This is when we concentrate or meditate on staying in the present moment. It enhances one’s sensory perception and allows the physiology of the body to quiet and helps us focus on what is right in front of us and not on one of the million things we think about every day. This form of meditation works best within the presence of Mother Nature. The birds and the breeze and the sounds of the ocean or whatever nature setting you find yourself in is a good place to try it.

I tried this recently and was amazed at how simple it is to do and how frustrating it can be when we slip into one of those thoughts that fight for our attention. It can be just thinking about a plan or some upcoming event to nearly every story or memory stored up in our memory banks. So, it’s not easy to stay in the now. Our mind and our lives are packed with distractions, and they all fight for our attention. But if we can stay in the moment and really hear the sounds around us we can enjoy a sense of calm and perspective like no other.

People use yoga and mantras and lots of things to help them reach the “now” but that’s not the only time the now is apparent. Through my practice I learned how to listen better and give full attention to whoever was talking. I learned that it is a form of honoring another to give them your ears and what’s in between them. If you’ve ever been really listened to you know what I mean. And the cool thing is it’s easy to do and actually makes both the speaker and the listener closer. And in the moment and power of the now that closeness can be catalytic.

Next time you get a chance to pay your respects through listening, give it a try. You’ll be amazed at how much you’ve been missing.

The Final Thought: Gratitude and appreciation have proven powers that help us see what’s important and will cause us to pause. That pause keeps us in the moment where all good things happen.