Lifting Waits

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Lifting Waits

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story*:

The milestones were all spelled out. They were listed in a very specific order. Do one, then the next, and so on. You were not allowed to jump ahead or skip a step. Dawn was very proud of her plan. All she had to do now was simply follow the rules and her dream of a lifetime would be fulfilled.

And more…

I think it feels real safe and secure to have a plan. Knowing what has to happen next is comforting and takes all of the guesswork out of living. Follow the plan and live a happy life. It usually sounds something like this: graduate from school, get a good job, find a spouse, build a house, fill it with memories and enjoy. And we can go back and repeat any of the steps we like. The time it takes for all of this to happen however can be a lifetime and some of the dreams and goals that were listed at the end of the plan may never get a chance to happen.

One of the most common obstacles to doing anything outside the ordinary is “it’s not a good time.” And we can rattle off all of the elements that make it a bad time and soon forget about that “new” thing we wanted to do or try. And new things can be anything like travelling, moving, changing a relationship, a job or our hair color. It doesn’t matter what it is, what matters is that we’re waiting for just the right time. The truth is there is no right time; there is only just time. Time doesn’t wait for anything and we only have so much of it we can spend. If we find ourselves waiting for the right time we may simply run out of it.

Lift the “waits” and get into the game. Leapfrog those milestones. Wait lifting makes you stronger and it adds an air of adventure to whatever it is you’ve been waiting to do.

*Always 60 words. No more, no less.

Szenippet: “Time waits for no man,” so why should we wait for time? Our “to do” list should never be longer than our “done that” list.

 

Image is Destiny

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Image is Destiny

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story*:

Tom was vehemently arguing that we’re not just plopped here on this planet with our lives all scripted out before us as if we don’t have any choices or influence on our future. He cited the example of interviewing for a job. How we dress, speak, listen and generally act, creates our desired impression. It’s all about our projected image.

And more…

I think Tom is spot on with his perspective. We actually can control what people think of us, especially in the world of first impressions, which, as we know, are the most lasting. Over many years of branding, coaching, training and teaching I’ve witnessed the power of self-image and our brain’s ability to take us to whatever destination and outcome we can fathom. The caveat here is that staying focused on the goal can be difficult. Maintaining the necessary image and projection to get there, is not like simply waving a magic wand and “poof” whatever we desire appears – It’s not wishful thinking it’s more like brain manipulation.

Our brains are simultaneously complex and simple. It’s designed to keep our world within reach while working as efficiently as possible. The efficiency includes keeping the heart beating, blood flowing, lungs expanding and a zillion other things without us having to get involved personally with the process. All humans share this ability. We need only intervene when one of our internal systems fail us somehow. This leaves us the time to think about our quality of life, environment, relationships etc. and of course our future.

Our minds can construct any number of scenarios, and we can then train our brain to work with us to get there. It’s useful to think of the brain as an elaborate and sophisticated GPS. We plug in the desired destination and coordinates, and we move toward the goal. We tell the brain where to go and it goes. The rub is that we all tend to change our minds and get distracted and then the brain redirects the GPS to follow the new plan. It’s maddening, I know. When this happens, we need to redirect to the original destination and lock it in. Once we’re locked in, the brain can access the powers of the universe to either take us there or bring it to us. It’s the same thing, and if you have any experience with serendipity, you know what I mean. So where are we headed?

* Always 60 words. No more, no less.

Szenippet: On any given journey, we’re not expected to have every resource we need to get there. We can get what we need along the way and often through a combination of luck and mindset circumstances align just in time to that they appear almost magical.  And suddenly, we arrive.

 

 

Here to There

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Here to There

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story*:

In the movie The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy was all set to begin her journey to see the great wizard. All she had to do was follow the yellow brick road. For Carla, the road, to finding the answers she sought, wasn’t yellow, obvious or even visible. Unlike Dorothy, she didn’t know the way because she couldn’t see the destination.

And more…

There is an old familiar expression, what you see is what you get. For many like Carla in our story, she can’t get to the getting part because, either she can’t see the path to get there, or she doesn’t know or can’t decide where “there” is. No journey can truly begin until we know where we want to be.

That said, I used to think that getting what we want and where we want to be is as simple as identifying the goal and moving toward it. I believed that the process of leaning into the goal actually brings the goal closer because when we’re clear on what we want, the universe will conspire on our behalf and ultimately deliver it to us. I now believe that it’s not that simple. It also depends on where we start. Our starting point provides a necessary perspective and vantage point so that we can actually visualize the outcome and begin the trip. Dorothy simply believed that OZ was out there somewhere and would help her get to her real destination, home.

Sometimes we can’t move forward until we grasp fully where we truly are. And we will know we’re in the right spot to start when we see the signs pointing the way and, like Dorothy, we accept the current reality that we’re lost. Getting from here to there implies a straight-line path although it rarely is. Carla’s reality is common, we look for a path but what we really need is an internal vision for our future. That vision sets our GPS coordinates, and miraculously, or serendipitously if you prefer, our personal yellow brick road will appear leading us past our witches and wizards to where dreams come true.

“There’s no place like home.”

* Always 60 words. No more, no less.

Szenippet: We’ve always had the power to be and do what we want. We just have to accept our current reality and be willing to follow our hearts regardless of the price.

 

 

Perspective Creates Joy

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Perspective Creates Joy

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story*:

The joy was fading. She was working long hours every day and Bill was charged with taking care of the house. This meant cooking the meals too. Every night he served her dinner and cleaned up while she took her bath. He began to resent his role. How did we get to this place, how can this change, he wondered.

And more…

Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a role or a place or in a time that feels like we’ll never escape or be able to change the situation. According to the Book of Joy co-authored by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu there are eight pillars of joy. The very first one is perspective. The book says: “A healthy perspective really is the foundation for joy and happiness because the way we see the world is the way we experience the world.” Thus, changing the way we see things, in turn changes the way we feel and the way we act which changes the world itself.

In our story, Bill is locked into a routine where he feels stifled and out of sorts. Joy is elusive and Bill wonders how it can change. According to the book, the answer is that “we cannot succeed by denying what exists. The acceptance of reality is the only place from which change can begin.” In other words, acceptance is an important component of perspective and allows us to relax and to see more clearly before we respond. And since reality only exists in the present, our ability to stay in the moment becomes our superpower. This enables us to acknowledge the situation we’re in while we look for the insight that changes how we view the situation.

Our minds are powerful, and our perspective directly impacts the joy we feel in life. Perspective helps us understand what is and our role in that reality. It also can change how we choose to view it. And that’s where joy can find its way into our life.

* Always 60 words. No more, no less.

Szenippet: The difference between an empty room and a room full of space is based on how we see our world, our perspective.

 

 

The Power to Choose

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The Power to Choose

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story*:

The name of the article that Bob was quoting from was “Truth and Consequences.” It was written by a famous self-help guru who taught his followers that success is totally possible, but it always has a price. It’s just that most people choose not to pay it.” Bob’s interpretation was simple: People want happiness for free, but it never is.

And more…

We, as a society, have become excellent shoppers. The internet opens our eyes to infinite possibilities. We can pick and choose and ultimately buy virtually anything we want as long as we can meet the price. This formula is easy to understand and considerably simplified when it comes to using the currency DuJour. It’s more complicated however when money alone can’t buy our dreams. According to American psychotherapist Sheldon B. Kopp, people are afraid to make difficult choices because of their current circumstances but he asserts: “You’re pretty much free to do whatever you like. You need only face the circumstances.”

This is about choices – The freedom to choose what we want and being willing to pay the price to get there versus talking ourselves out of a particular decision for fear of the repercussions. The philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre observed that there’s a secret comfort in telling ourselves we have no options rather than to face the consequences. Like Bob in our story today, he understood that essentially, there are always choices but they’re not free. The expressions, “pay the piper,” “no free lunch,” and “everything has a price,” are born from this sentiment.

We live in a reality where both time is precious, and our choices are infinite. Reconciling how to invest the time we have to achieve what we want is only a matter of trade-offs. This is where many people get stymied. Even if we see a path to a good option, what we have and where we are right now feels good and it’s so easy to stay there. In this framework, status quo becomes the default choice fueled by our own rationalizations and bias. That being said, the answer to breaking free of any situation we’re in, is to visualize a new situation and envision its manifestation. Then move toward it. Yes, there will be tolls and energy to spend on the way there but as long as we are prepared to face the consequences we will arrive where we always wanted to be.

* Always 60 words. No more, no less.

Szenippet: We live by the stories we tell ourselves and nothing new happens until we change up the characters, or scenery and dialogue in our story. Begin with a happy ending point-of-view and move toward it.

 

 

It Comes Down to You

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It Comes Down to You

 

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

“Should I jump?” Diane asked nobody in particular. The crowd outside was getting larger and their voices could be heard inside the walls of her home; a home she had lived in forever. Standing at the window she saw the people and heard their cheers, while friends and family inside remained quiet. She opened the door and embraced her future.

And more…

How many opportunities cross our path that we miss because we’re home inside and safe? What are the chances that we’ve missed a calling or misunderstood our purpose because we’ve been head down and busy doing what we think we’re supposed to be doing – locked inside a “home” that’s safe, but maybe not big enough for our dream.

It’s amazing how fast time flies and so many of our ideas on how our life should really be have been lost and left behind. The good news is that those dreams are still alive. They don’t die until we say so. Here are a couple of ideas on how to keep the dream alive:

– In every step forward to something new we have to let go of something now. And usually it’s not a dramatic departure from what is; it usually is a mind set, a simple reframing of what’s possible.

– In the what’s possible world lives the wholeness of every dream ever dreamt. In this world we are forever young and optimistic about everything. In this world we can fly.

– If you believe you and your desires can fly, they will lift you to new heights where soaring is common and the view is clear.

Give your dreams another chance to fly. All it takes is faith and an understanding that the world around you wants you to be who you want to be. You’ll be happier and so will everyone else.

It all comes down to you….

Szenippet: All dreams have an equal chance of coming to life. That includes the dream that’s been resting quietly inside you and now needs to fly.

 

Turn The Page

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 Turn The Page

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

Each of the ornaments was wrapped carefully and put back into the box. The stuffed Santa that sat next to the fireplace found his way back into the attic to wait for another year to perform his magic. The singing Angels were silenced, the tree was dismantled and all evidence of Christmas were erased, except we did keep the gifts.

 And more…

The party, the pain, the problems and the promise of last year are over. It’s nice to take a little time to reflect on those we lost, and celebrate those that have joined our lives. For this New Year we get a chance to mentally and psychologically reboot. Our minds can stuff the stuff in its memory place and we can leave space for new dreams and adventures that awaken the explorer in all of us.

May this New Year be a blessing to all of you. May you find the peace and the joy you seek and the friends and the love you need to achieve your dreams. May you be asked to solve a problem that you can fix, a question that you can answer and may you enjoy the many smiles and thanks sent to you for simply being you – a vital part of this wonderful life. Thanks for being here.

Happy New Year. Time to turn the page.

Szenippet: The ability to influence another and to help them find their way is a gift we all possess. And when we share, we change the world.

 

 

Resolution Reboot

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Resolution Reboot

I know you are all busy getting on with your new life in this New Year so I’ll keep it short. The equation for success first involves a look back at our personal wake. Who have we touched and who’s touched us this last year? And we need to ask if we’re a better version of ourselves. These are the seeds of resolution and positive change. Here’s a quick review of where we go from here:

A resolution has two distinct parts: Part one is the thought we create in our minds that helps us visualize a new us. Could be getting rid of a bad habit or inventing a new you. Whatever it is, it starts with a thought.

The second part involves taking action. Nothing happens until we act. And the act of taking action serves to confirm our thoughts on what we want to resolve to happen. This is maybe the hardest part because we tend to want a magic wand manifestation and most things actually take some time to unfold.

From there it is simple or at least the steps are. Here are a few reminders on how it all works:

– Thoughts ignite action (even itsy bitsy steps in the right direction count).

– Action ignites change – what we do with our lives create a new dynamic for us and our relationship with the universe and all its possibilities.

– And those actions in turn create change. We actually move our being into a new pattern. By acting and moving toward our goal we draw resources we need toward us and, this is the cool part, we start to act like we we’ve actually attained the fruits of our thinking. We become what we chose to become.

– Finally, change ignites new thinking. Once we become our original thoughts and arrive with a new and different perspective something happens. We begin to think differently reflecting a new pattern and persona and that fuels even more new dreams and new hope, all of which come to life using the same formula.

I hope you all have a great new year and get whatever it is you set your mind to achieve.

Szenippet: There is nothing like a new year to create a hopeful heart. A heart filled with new purpose and a keen sense of awe for the journey ahead.

 

 

Behind the Scenes

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Behind the Scenes

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

Alice’s husband had become increasingly despondent since the merger. He had been let go after many years of loyal service. Alice was getting worried he may not find work and that income from her small store would not suffice. It preyed on her mind, but as she opened for business every day, it didn’t stop her big smile and hello.

And more…

Here are to all of the people like Alice that hide their fear or pain and manage to keep a smile facing forward. I think it is difficult to mask our feelings and yet many of us do. And why we do often is because we don’t want to burden others with our problems or maybe afraid of what others may think. The easy way to avoid a painful discussion is to project a positive attitude, smile and move on. And that process tends to work pretty well. That said, there could be a lot going on with many people in our lives and strangers too that we can’t see or know or fix, but it’s there and it hurts.

The folks that can hide their problems have found ways to suppress their feelings so that they don’t seep out through a conversation or simple eye contact. It doesn’t mean we can’t help if we knew. So how can we discern when there is more to the story than what is apparent? How do we see behind the scenes? And why, if at all, should we try?

To answer the “why should we try” question first, let’s assume for this discussion, we have a relationship of some kind and we care. If we do, then there are lots of ways to see beyond the obvious if we look carefully and listen.

Here are some ideas:

– Ask questions. A moment to hear how the weekend went or how they are feeling can net some insights.

– Let it go. If you think someone really needs help but is reluctant to share, it may be that you’re not the person they need, so don’t push it.

– Open up. The best way to get a good meaningful conversation going is to share something that is meaningful to us. By being vulnerable, we invite vulnerability.

Getting behind the scenes is getting deeper into relationship and that’s where miracles can happen, not just for those that need us, but for those we need.

Szenippet: We can’t know for sure what’s going on in another’s life, but there are often signs directed right at us. Be alert.

On Edge

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On Edge

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

“Cut!” shouted the director. “Listen Charles, you have to relax and not think about the whole scene, just this moment and your line. You know your line, right?” Charles nodded. “Then say it for us!” Charles looked around the room. People, equipment and so much tension in the air were making him nervous, then “Don’t touch that door!” he screamed.

And more…

Life can dish up some tension now and then. It can be a business situation, a family disagreement, a phone call with the IRS or simply being cut off on the freeway. Tension is our way of metabolizing the moment. We need tension to feel the event in order to be able to react. Tension, or call it emotional currency, is a bridge from routine to something else. It enables us to call upon our senses and wits to act. And whatever the act may be that we’re called on to do, it is propelled by the tension, pressure and sometimes the fear we feel in that split second when we know we must do something.

Tension works because it’s a way to get us poised for action. Being on the edge is typically something most of us would prefer to avoid, but the emotions inherent in tension can get us revved and ready for whatever happens next. Without it, the greatness of so many decisions in our lives would be forgotten. The tension of the situation is what makes for great stories – time running out and he shoots and scores, she bends over to grab his hand and accepts his proposal, the phone rings and we got the job. You name it and I bet the best stories of our lives included some angst, fear and doubt, the siblings of tension and what makes living on the edge worth it.

I think without some emotion, be it fear or doubt or love or whatever in our routine we avoid the edge and thus miss out on some of the fun of life. If we push ourselves and open the door to possibilities, even a little every day, we live more. We make better stories – Stories worth telling.

Szenippet: A shift from a “how are you doing?” to a “how are you feeling?” orientation reveals a deeper dimension of connectedness: Feelings uncovered always change the conversation.

Special:
If you want to hear a sample from my book, Szen Zone, come check out the podcast Optimal Living Daily! Justin, a former student of UCI where I teach, is doing something pretty neat. He reads blog posts and excerpts from his favorite books on the show and featured mine in Episode 337. You can listen to it here: http://OLDPodcast.com/337 or find it in your favorite podcast app.