Perspective Creates Joy

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story*:

The joy was fading. She was working long hours every day and Bill was charged with taking care of the house. This meant cooking the meals too. Every night he served her dinner and cleaned up while she took her bath. He began to resent his role. How did we get to this place, how can this change, he wondered.

And more…

Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a role or a place or in a time that feels like we’ll never escape or be able to change the situation. According to the Book of Joy co-authored by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu there are eight pillars of joy. The very first one is perspective. The book says: “A healthy perspective really is the foundation for joy and happiness because the way we see the world is the way we experience the world.” Thus, changing the way we see things, in turn changes the way we feel and the way we act which changes the world itself.

In our story, Bill is locked into a routine where he feels stifled and out of sorts. Joy is elusive and Bill wonders how it can change. According to the book, the answer is that “we cannot succeed by denying what exists. The acceptance of reality is the only place from which change can begin.” In other words, acceptance is an important component of perspective and allows us to relax and to see more clearly before we respond. And since reality only exists in the present, our ability to stay in the moment becomes our superpower. This enables us to acknowledge the situation we’re in while we look for the insight that changes how we view the situation.

Our minds are powerful, and our perspective directly impacts the joy we feel in life. Perspective helps us understand what is and our role in that reality. It also can change how we choose to view it. And that’s where joy can find its way into our life.

* Always 60 words. No more, no less.

Szenippet: The difference between an empty room and a room full of space is based on how we see our world, our perspective.

 

 

It Comes Down to You

 

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

“Should I jump?” Diane asked nobody in particular. The crowd outside was getting larger and their voices could be heard inside the walls of her home; a home she had lived in forever. Standing at the window she saw the people and heard their cheers, while friends and family inside remained quiet. She opened the door and embraced her future.

And more…

How many opportunities cross our path that we miss because we’re home inside and safe? What are the chances that we’ve missed a calling or misunderstood our purpose because we’ve been head down and busy doing what we think we’re supposed to be doing – locked inside a “home” that’s safe, but maybe not big enough for our dream.

It’s amazing how fast time flies and so many of our ideas on how our life should really be have been lost and left behind. The good news is that those dreams are still alive. They don’t die until we say so. Here are a couple of ideas on how to keep the dream alive:

– In every step forward to something new we have to let go of something now. And usually it’s not a dramatic departure from what is; it usually is a mind set, a simple reframing of what’s possible.

– In the what’s possible world lives the wholeness of every dream ever dreamt. In this world we are forever young and optimistic about everything. In this world we can fly.

– If you believe you and your desires can fly, they will lift you to new heights where soaring is common and the view is clear.

Give your dreams another chance to fly. All it takes is faith and an understanding that the world around you wants you to be who you want to be. You’ll be happier and so will everyone else.

It all comes down to you….

Szenippet: All dreams have an equal chance of coming to life. That includes the dream that’s been resting quietly inside you and now needs to fly.

 

Resolution Reboot

I know you are all busy getting on with your new life in this New Year so I’ll keep it short. The equation for success first involves a look back at our personal wake. Who have we touched and who’s touched us this last year? And we need to ask if we’re a better version of ourselves. These are the seeds of resolution and positive change. Here’s a quick review of where we go from here:

A resolution has two distinct parts: Part one is the thought we create in our minds that helps us visualize a new us. Could be getting rid of a bad habit or inventing a new you. Whatever it is, it starts with a thought.

The second part involves taking action. Nothing happens until we act. And the act of taking action serves to confirm our thoughts on what we want to resolve to happen. This is maybe the hardest part because we tend to want a magic wand manifestation and most things actually take some time to unfold.

From there it is simple or at least the steps are. Here are a few reminders on how it all works:

– Thoughts ignite action (even itsy bitsy steps in the right direction count).

– Action ignites change – what we do with our lives create a new dynamic for us and our relationship with the universe and all its possibilities.

– And those actions in turn create change. We actually move our being into a new pattern. By acting and moving toward our goal we draw resources we need toward us and, this is the cool part, we start to act like we we’ve actually attained the fruits of our thinking. We become what we chose to become.

– Finally, change ignites new thinking. Once we become our original thoughts and arrive with a new and different perspective something happens. We begin to think differently reflecting a new pattern and persona and that fuels even more new dreams and new hope, all of which come to life using the same formula.

I hope you all have a great new year and get whatever it is you set your mind to achieve.

Szenippet: There is nothing like a new year to create a hopeful heart. A heart filled with new purpose and a keen sense of awe for the journey ahead.

 

 

On Edge

A Sixty-Word SZEN Story:

“Cut!” shouted the director. “Listen Charles, you have to relax and not think about the whole scene, just this moment and your line. You know your line, right?” Charles nodded. “Then say it for us!” Charles looked around the room. People, equipment and so much tension in the air were making him nervous, then “Don’t touch that door!” he screamed.

And more…

Life can dish up some tension now and then. It can be a business situation, a family disagreement, a phone call with the IRS or simply being cut off on the freeway. Tension is our way of metabolizing the moment. We need tension to feel the event in order to be able to react. Tension, or call it emotional currency, is a bridge from routine to something else. It enables us to call upon our senses and wits to act. And whatever the act may be that we’re called on to do, it is propelled by the tension, pressure and sometimes the fear we feel in that split second when we know we must do something.

Tension works because it’s a way to get us poised for action. Being on the edge is typically something most of us would prefer to avoid, but the emotions inherent in tension can get us revved and ready for whatever happens next. Without it, the greatness of so many decisions in our lives would be forgotten. The tension of the situation is what makes for great stories – time running out and he shoots and scores, she bends over to grab his hand and accepts his proposal, the phone rings and we got the job. You name it and I bet the best stories of our lives included some angst, fear and doubt, the siblings of tension and what makes living on the edge worth it.

I think without some emotion, be it fear or doubt or love or whatever in our routine we avoid the edge and thus miss out on some of the fun of life. If we push ourselves and open the door to possibilities, even a little every day, we live more. We make better stories – Stories worth telling.

Szenippet: A shift from a “how are you doing?” to a “how are you feeling?” orientation reveals a deeper dimension of connectedness: Feelings uncovered always change the conversation.

Special:
If you want to hear a sample from my book, Szen Zone, come check out the podcast Optimal Living Daily! Justin, a former student of UCI where I teach, is doing something pretty neat. He reads blog posts and excerpts from his favorite books on the show and featured mine in Episode 337. You can listen to it here: http://OLDPodcast.com/337 or find it in your favorite podcast app.

 Setting Expectations

We’ve all heard and probably used the concept of setting low expectations and then over achieving. The mind game here is that if we know we can accomplish X, then by setting the bar to X –whatever, we give ourselves a cushion to succeed. This works great in all kinds of ways. We tell others and ourselves that this is what the expectation is. That expectation gets set in our minds and theirs and we all adjust the expected outcome accordingly. What often happens though is that we mistakenly believe, that now that the goal is less, it will be easier to achieve and so we don’t try as hard. And sometimes, even though we set out at the beginning with the intention to exceed the goal, we get busy or challenged in other ways and what was once going to be easy, is now burdensome. Net result is we often barely make the reduced expectation in spite of our abilities because, after all that’s what everyone expected.

Expectations determine the effort we will use when we set them ourselves. When someone else, like a partner or boss, sets them, it determines how hard we have to work to succeed. And what also comes into play when others set expectations for us is the question of: to what extent are they right. Set too high we feel energized because their perception is complimentary and set too low we may feel misunderstood or perhaps undervalued or underestimated.

The point is really only a reminder, that however or whomever sets the bar, it has a corresponding impact on the amount of our effort and the desired outcomes. If we can just manage this one aspect of our life we can set expectations that will make our life fulfilling and exciting. Because we tend to try to hit the mark, raising the mark or exceeding expectations changes our world and us. Expect great things and they will come. Expect less and we get that too.

Szenippet: Next time you make a wish, assume it has already been granted. That belief is how dreams come true and, of course, it’s up to you.